A bold statement, I know.
The concept I’m sharing with you today has had a powerful effect on my life, and I know it can transform any area of your life, too.
What if all your problems were optional?
What if you didn’t have to feel like things are always going wrong?
We’ve been conditioned to think of anything unpleasant in our lives as a sign that something has gone wrong. And the reality is that we can always find something that’s going wrong if that’s what we are looking for.
Seeing our life this way leads us to self-destructive emotions - blame, shame, guilt, regret, and believing something outside of us is the reason for our suffering. To deal with the discomfort of these emotions we begin numbing (overeating, overdrinking, overworking etc.), avoiding, distracting, and suppressing.
So much of our suffering is caused not by the circumstances themselves, but by judging negative experiences as bad or wrong.
We can go on living thinking we’re powerless products of everything that happens to us or we can make a different choice.
There’s another perspective available and it’s a biggie…
CONTRAST-BASED THINKING vs JUDGMENT-BASED THINKING
Every negative experience, no matter how big or small is only here to help us learn by contrast and give us the experience of what we don’t want so we can move towards what we do want.
Seeing contrasts keeps us neutral, curious and solution-driven. Judging a situation as bad or wrong leads to pain, suffering and disempowerment, and It will always have self-destructive effects.
It’s the difference between:
“I can’t believe I have to do this soul-sucking job” vs. “What is this soul-sucking job making me want to do instead? What is something I can do that would give me a different experience?”
“I hate that I’m single, I wish I had a parter” vs “What is this time alone giving me a chance to explore? What I might need to explore to be ready for my ideal partner?”
NEUTRALITY + CURIOSITY vs NEGATIVTY + JUDGEMENT
Contrast-based thinking is not positive, it’s neutral.
Giving negative charge to any event will have self-destructive effect on you.
Keeping an overly positive charge can make you ignorant to the gift and transformative power of negative experiences.
Keeping neutrality gives you perspective and allows you to get curious, learn from anything life throws at you, and live with more ease and less suffering.
All this doesn’t mean that you should suppress negative emotions or automatically jump into spiritual bypass at the face of something negative (I.e. “it’s all happening for the better..”) and it doesn’t in any way mean we shouldn’t feel negative and unpleasant emotions.
Quite the opposite - the more we allow ourselves to process unpleasant emotions as they come up, the more we can use them as a compass, pointing us towards who we want to be and what we want to create in this world.
Contrast-based thinking teaches that the world is on your side- that everything is here FOR you and your growth toward a more fulfilling and authentic life.
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IN PRACTICE:
1. Think of any event or circumstance in your life that you see as a problem.
2. Feel and acknowledge what negative emotions this problem makes you feel.
3. Reflect and write down at least 10 insights as you ask yourself:
“What could this experience be teaching me? What could I learn from this? What is this experience inviting me to move away from or move towards?
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Try it out and let me know if it's helpful. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Much love,💌
Stani
P.S. If this resonates and you'd like to explore how to create an intentional, fulfilling and joyful life and career, you're in luck! I'm giving away 3 Complimentary Coaching Sessions throughout the month of February (first come first serve). They will be claimed soon so book yours HERE !
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